You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
