don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
