Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
