where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
