when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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