Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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