i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
