Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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