Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
