Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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