Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
