all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
