the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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