forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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