I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
