It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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