Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
