kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
