mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
