Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
