winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
