i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All the doctor said was why
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
