Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
