Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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