So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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