She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
