New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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