They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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