You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
