I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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