my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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