I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Two words: nipple clamps
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