Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
