Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
