So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
