If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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