Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
