Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
