i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
