I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
