He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
