I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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