Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
