Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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