I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
