I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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