i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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