Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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