Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize