Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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